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I saw my first dead body today on the job. It's funny, I see all this viscera, broken bones, etc on a daily basis, but no death. Under the light of the beacons, the human body grows resilient to almost anything. Sure, people die sometimes, but you don't really hear about it much because the staffed are asked to not publicize it or make medical records known. I guess my boss thought I was ready for it. She's from before the beacons, when folks got messed up in crashes, fires, and gun fights, it was game over. Feeling people die under your hands while you're trying to hold them together. After shifts, we'll sit on top of the response truck and smoke. She'll tell stories about real sickness, infection, slow cancers, inevitable deterioration, and I'll just listen, wondering what it was like.
The body belonged to an older man, you could tell he came from before the beacons too by the wrinkles on his face and his colorless hair. He had shot himself in the head so that he wasn't going to mess it up. He looked like he could have been resting, as if he had just moments ago ame in from the street and sat on the bed, falling backwards in exhaustion. He would then sigh heavily, pull himself back to a sitting position, rub his knee and get up to put away groceries. Then I thought - what if he was tired? Exhausted? Unsure of where the future was going, afraid of the idea of not really feeling anything anymore?
I thought, what am I going to be doing years from now? Will I feel the same things that I do now? Will I feel anything?
|Beacons||Series||Anders: 4 | 6 – Elspeth: 1 | 2 | 10 | 11 | 13 | 15 – Jerome: Cautionary | Journal – Lewis: 2 – Moncada: Letter to Wife | Obituary – Steve Wilks: 4 | 5 | 6 – Triya: 1 | 3 | 4 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 12 | 13 | 15 | 17 | 20|
|Standalone||Abbess | Anti Beacon Flier | Crossroads | Cycles | Letter to Resident | Non Human Beacons | Smugglers Note | Time Capsule | Trooper Noir|
|Elspeth||Series||Elspeth: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16|